Growing up, Growing Apart :Understanding Friendships in Adulthood

I recently returned from a long trip and visited my home country. When you return to the place you grew up at, nostalgia hits you and you want to reconnect with the people you spent your golden period with. To have that temporary consolation, you want to relive the memories of your childhood, school, and university days. That is what I tried to do. I am a private person and I prefer quality over quantity. Thus, I have a limited friend circle. Within that limit, I tried to reconnect and update them weeks before my visit. But I failed. No judgments as everyone has their own lives. If I was on a short trip with limited time, doesn't mean people have to adjust. But again, that's what friendship is, isn't it??

Of course, I was a little disappointed as it is always once a year kind of visit between the hustle and bustle of life. But I am sure it's just not me. Life throws punches at you and you end up being consumed and left with no energy to deal with the rest of the world. Not to blame anyone as I might have failed at many points in life. But it surely made me wonder, why does it happen in the first place. Why do friendships grow apart? Lack of communication, war of egos, jealousy or why should I message first- these could be a few reasons. But lucky are those who still have their groups intact where they celebrate each other even a little bit.

Understanding the Shift: Why Friendships Change in Adulthood

As we transition into adulthood, friendships often go through significant transformation due to a variety of factors. One of the main influences on the evolution of friendships in this life stage is the change in life circumstances. Most of us start a journey and try to navigate complex career paths to stay relevant in this competitive world. It demands substantial time, dedication and many sacrifices. As you go up in your profession, your responsibilities go up with you. The time available for social interactions diminishes leading to less frequent contact with friends. In the race to prove ourselves, we are so consumed and left with very little energy to spend anywhere but ourselves.

The second reason is family commitments. It also plays a crucial role in reshaping adult friendships. For many, the responsibilities of marriage, parenting, or caregiving can divert attention and energy away from friendships. The need to prioritize family obligations sometimes results in friends being deprioritized. We are bound to allocate our time toward nurturing family relationships, and responsibilities. But that surely becomes a reason for weakened interpersonal connections and we start growing apart.

Long-distance relationships are another significant factor affecting adult friendships. In the chase of better education or a successful career, we have to make the biggest sacrifice of leaving our cities. Some relationships are left behind as you grow in age and life. Physical separation has a huge impact on relationships. No doubt, technology has made it easier to maintain long-distance relationships, but the reality is that face-to-face interactions foster deeper connections, which can suffer when friends are separated by distance. The aura of your friend that made you friends in the first place can not be felt on a video call. Physical proximity and eye-to-eye connection play a vital role in sustaining friendships, and relocation can pose a considerable challenge. Your friend isn't going to tell you the details of what's wrong in their lives in a 15-minute call after a gap of 6 months.

Now, this reason is the most significant and it hurts the most. Beyond logistical factors, shifts in priorities and values are obvious in the transition to adulthood. As we mature, our interests, goals, and perspectives may evolve, leading to a reassessment of existing friendships. The pursuit of personal growth, self-discovery, and new experiences can create a divergence between friends who may no longer share common objectives or interests. This process of reevaluation is essential for maintaining meaningful relationships that align with whatever stage of life you are in.

The Importance of Effort and Setting Priorities in Maintaining Friendships

In adulthood, the dynamics of friendships can shift dramatically due to factors such as work commitments, family obligations, and other time-consuming responsibilities. Initially, friendships may thrive on shared experiences and mutual interests that create a strong emotional bond. However, as we move ahead in our busy lives, the enthusiasm that once characterized these relationships fades away. This decline calls for the necessity for conscious effort. But for that, we need to recognize the worthy friendships.

The efforts tell everything about how much someone values you and your friendship. Of course, everyone is busy but those who are going above and beyond to invest their energy in you, are your people. Unlike my close friend who did not find time to meet just because of his daily task of picking his wife from work, the intentional investment of time and energy into friendships becomes very important. Unlike in childhood, where friendships form organically through school and activities, adult relationships require a more deliberate approach. Scheduling regular catch-ups, whether in person or virtually, can spark an emotional connection and provide opportunities for meaningful interaction. When you spend these moments with someone you have had a bond with at some point in life, a sense of belonging and security develops, a feeling of having someone.

Nowadays, maintaining friendships takes a backseat to work, family commitments, and other responsibilities. To manage friendships effectively, we need to adopt a proactive approach by setting priorities amidst the piles of obligations we face. Setting boundaries is crucial in balancing work, family, and friendships. It becomes important to communicate your need for personal time with family members and manage work expectations proactively. By creating designated times when friends can be a priority, you reaffirm their importance in your life.

The Role of Communication: Key to Lasting Friendships

Many friendships have broken just because of some miscommunication or misunderstanding. Effective communication sets a foundation for maintaining friendships in adulthood. Unlike the carefree nature of childhood friendships, adult relationships require more deliberate effort to keep them strong and meaningful. Open and honest conversations about expectations, feelings, and individual experiences are essential in fostering deeper connections. When friends take the time to discuss their needs and desires, they can navigate potential misunderstandings proactively and eventually, it strengthens their bond.

Regular check-ins have a deep impact on friendships. These interactions help to believe that both parties value the relationship, regardless of how busy life becomes. Simple gestures, such as sending a text message to ask how a friend is doing or setting aside time for a face-to-face meeting, show care and commitment. It's important to utilize various communication methods that suit each friend's preferences. Some people chat while sharing reels on Instagram and some prefer starting a snap streak on Snap-chat. Some people prefer to have long chats on whats app and some prefer a video call once in a while. The whole idea is to promote ongoing dialogue.

I believe friends should feel encouraged to engage in meaningful discussions about both joyous and challenging experiences. Sharing achievements and hurdles not only humanizes each person but also cultivates an atmosphere of openness. These days all of us are so vulnerable that we are scared to share our feelings and emotions. We generally put up a happy face. Encouraging a friend to talk about their feelings can reassure them they are heard and understood. In adult friendships, creating regular opportunities for these interactions, whether through weekly catch-ups or spontaneous chats, ensures that communication remains a two-way street.

An essential aspect of effective communication is being an active listener. Acknowledging what a friend says and providing thoughtful responses allows both persons to feel valued. This dynamic encourages future conversations, making it easier to maintain the connection. By prioritizing communication, adult friends can deal with the complexities of their experiences together, reinforcing the importance of their relationship over time.

"A Discouraging Story"

During my trip, I went to a store in my hometown and saw one of my childhood friends working as a labourer. I saw him after 20 years and We recognized each other right away. As most of my childhood friends relocated and were doing well for themselves, I felt sad seeing this friend doing a labour job. After a week I went to the same store and the same friend gave me some special treatment over other customers. When I was about to leave, he came closer and whispered in my ear " Can you lend me 3000 rupees"? He said his 4-year-old daughter was sick and he was still waiting for his salary. I felt so bad for him that I decided to give him the amount. It was a meagre amount for me as I earn in dollars. He said he will send the money back once he receives his salary. I left quietly as I was still feeling sad for him. My spiritual self was thinking that there must be a reason that the universe made us meet again and sent me to help him. I designated myself as a ray of hope for someone and felt satisfied for helping him.

A few weeks passed and I returned to my busy life in my current home country. All of a sudden I thought of texting this friend to ask how his daughter was doing. I opened WhatsApp and saw a stranger's picture on his profile. I thought it could be his brother or a close one. I tried to call on the number and the call was picked up by a stranger. I still thought I might have saved the wrong number by mistake. I sent my nephew to that store to ask if this friend was doing fine. Guess what, he denied knowing me at all. My nephew showed him my picture and he said he had never met me in his life. I was so heartbroken. Not because of the lost money, but because I felt like a fool. I will try to find him when I go back next year. Apparently, I was not a ray of hope for someone, the universe had sent me to teach a lesson. Now, I have even more trust issues and I do not want to understand such friendships.

Embracing Change: Adapting Friendships Through Life Transitions

No matter what we say, one thing we must accept is that life changes and so do friendships. Friendships often mirror the various life transitions we undergo, evolving significantly as we explore adulthood. As circumstances such as career changes, relocation, marriage, or parenthood occur, the dynamics within friendships shift, leading to feelings of uncertainty or loss. Recognizing becomes extremely important at that point. Embracing this natural cycle is crucial for maintaining connections during such transitions. It is essential to approach these changes with an open mind and a positive outlook, understanding that friendships can flourish in diverse forms. Otherwise, you will end up blaming your friends and that will add to the negativity in your life.

During significant life events, the availability and priorities of friends frequently adjust. We must acknowledge that friends may not always be accessible. Once we accept it then it can help alleviate feelings of disappointment. Embracing change allows us to adapt to new circumstances while remaining open to the evolving nature of friendships To prevent misunderstandings, It is important to have honest conversations when dynamics shift. It encourages empathy as friends understand their own transitions, revealing a deeper bond and appreciation.

Ultimately, it's essential to remember that friendships are not solely defined by the frequency of contact but also by the quality of interactions. Valuing and celebrating the memories created, while also welcoming fresh experiences, can assist us in navigating the shifting landscape of friendships in adulthood. Understanding and embracing these transitions allows for a thoughtful and graceful approach to maintaining meaningful connections throughout life's journey. So set aside your ego and give a chance to that lost friendship that meant everything to you. As they say, in the war of egos, the loser always wins. Good luck.